What is it about?

There's a reason I went through my GCSE's proclaiming to be smart on paper but dopey in real life. I lacked the skill to speak as if I knew what I was actually talking about. It didn't help that I said stupid things like this:

"Do watermelons grow on trees?"

"I thought we had three kidneys..."

"Uhm... I don't know." (In answer to the question "what's your name?")

And the worst part is, that last one was only a few months ago.

Yes, I have daft moments. We probably all do. But this post isn't about that. It's about my inability to explain things clearly unless I've written it down. For example, I could not tell you what the last film I watched was about in person. I'd stutter and be all "there was this guy who wanted to kill the main character because he had the thing that would save their species but it would kill everyone else and they kept fighting about it oh and the bad guy killed his dad like thirty years ago and he gave him a scar but that's not really important. And the girl tries to find out who the main character is because he saved her life after she followed him into the ice tunnel and..." You get the idea. It's not coherent, it's not interesting, and it sounds like it's not enjoyable.

Status: hiatus

Since last year I've been writing a story that I absolutely love, but only for the characters. I always knew it wasn't good enough for anything other than FictionPress, because the plot isn't that well developed and full of holes because of it, but I didn't care. I enjoyed writing about the exploits of a woman who hates kids but is forced to be around at least two of them in close quarters due to unfortunate circumstances. She was the rudest, most selfish and unattractive character I had ever dreamed up and I enjoyed writing her story.

But I've come to the realisation that if I want to get anywhere with the story I'm actually serious about, then I'm going to have to concentrate on it more. And that means not pausing every five sentences to write another chapter of my FictionPress story. I need to love the characters in my new project more than the old characters because otherwise, what would the point be?

So I'm dropping my FictionPress - not just the story, but the entire account. It's not that I'm going to delete it, I'm just not going to spend time on it any more. It was good while it lasted and taught me an awful lot about writing, but it's about time I moved on to bigger and better things. The same goes for FanFiction (unless of course the stories I follow update, because then of course I'm going to have to read the new chapters).

This is it. My final farewell to my anonymous online writing accounts. From this point on, anything I write will be for all to see - probably. Maybe. We'll see how it goes... The point is, I want to focus on developing myself professionally instead of just mucking about with stories 'cause it's fun.

Dear curious readers

Everything I wrote up until 2011 is crap. Two-dimensional characters, clichéd expressions, shallow subject matters, angsty poetry. I've got nearly 30 pieces of work on FictionPress, which includes nine poems, sixteen short stories (one of them is a collection of short stories based on the same theme), seven one-shots and three longer stories. I think that adds up.

The longer stories were good for practise, but have little-to-no planning, so the chapters don't flow well - if at all. Out of everything, I think only one poem, eight short stories and one one-shot have any potential. The rest are just eurgh - I'm anonymous on there for a reason, okay?

Remember when I said my New Year's resolution was to write more poetry? Well I've stuck to it and, six months in, I've written about 35 poems in my super-secret notebook. When I told my friend Rose this, she freaked out - I had written 35 poems and hadn't shown her? She also writes poetry but far more secretly than I do, since she doesn't boast about it shamelessly in a blog. Hah.

Anyway, so I realised 35 poems is sort of a lot. And I hadn't once gone back and revised any of them. So one morning, armed with a blue pen and too much time before sunrise, that was exactly what I did.

I was astonished by what I read. Not only did I have atrocious handwriting (although to be fair, I did write a lot of it while on a moving bus) but most of the poems were utterly depressing. Which just goes to show, you can look happy on the outside, but inside you're just a melancholy poet waiting to be unleashed on some paper...

Superficial me

Appearance matters. No exceptions. If appearances didn't matter, then we'd all be blind. And yet the old cliché persists: don't judge a book by its cover. Obviously, there are times when that saying is relevant and full of wisdom. When it's talking about an actual book though, I'd say it is completely wrong.

I always judge a book by its cover. The cover is the first thing you see with a book! It has to be eye-catching, or at the very least interesting. How I choose which books are for me is simple: if the cover interest me, I pick it up. I read the blurb. If I'm still interested, I read the first page. If I'm still reading by page two, I know to get the book. Alternatively, if I'm buying the book online, I'm usually prompted by somebody's recommendation, be they known or anonymous. If the cover is interesting I click on it, read the description, skim the extract/intro pages etc.

This system works for me. There have been a few times when it failed me - it's not exactly perfect - and I end up with a pretty-looking book with an engaging first page and flat storyline. It happens. I don't let it get me down though, because the system usually pulls through for me. It's how I got into The Wee Free Men (Terry Pratchett). I'm lucky in the sense that all of the books on my shelf currently re-readable. But just recently, it has come to my attention that some books have alternative covers. What would be on my shelf if I had seen the other cover?

False starts and re-imaginings

After writing 31 A4 pages of planning for my new passion, Venture Crew (including a contents page - how else could I sort through all those notes?), I finally sat down to write some actual story. About 900 words in, I had second thoughts.

'Should the main character be such a jerk? Surely not.' Delete, keep, delete, keep. Start over.

'Oh god, what is this? It's not making any sense!' Delete, delete, delete.

Then I thought perhaps I should come at it from another angle. Maybe it wasn't working because I was approaching it all wrong. It was about 11pm at this point and I normally go to sleep at 9.45pm. My eyes were already closing on their own accord. I switched off my laptop and went to bed.

I didn't stop thinking about my story though. As I settled under my duvet, I pictured what the first chapter should look like. Not in words though, but as if it actually happened and I was there. What would strike me first about the main character? At what point would the plot meet the characters? How much prescience should be there?

I fell asleep not really knowing the answers.

When I woke up, I knew what I had to do. I knew EXACTLY why the first chapter had been meeting me with such resistance. I hadn't started it at the right point, or with the right amount of focus on the main character. I had to rewind a little, entering slightly earlier in the narrative and watched the words flow like liquid fire.

My fingers danced over the keyboard with an effortless will, and I was so caught up in writing the first chapter that I forgot to congratulate myself. So I'll do it now. Congratulations, Terri! I'm now frolicking through chapter three, and hopefully the rest of the story will be just as straight forward to write. Although I sort of don't want it to be. How will I learn if I don't have to overcome any difficulties?