Choosing a direction

I've come to a point in my life where I realised I have no life plan. "I want to write books" just doesn't cut it any more  I don't have a job, so I'm not earning anything. I live in my mum's house, so I have no real independence.

My future plans are incredibly vague. Finish my degree, then go to New York for a year. I have no idea what I'll do there, of course, besides visit family and see the sights.

I don't even know what sort of books I want to write. Someone asked me last week and I had no answer. None! I was at a complete loss for words, and it didn't feel good. Although, I've been thinking about it a lot since and have come up with a target reader (teenagers), but that's all. In my opinion, that isn't a lot and it certainly isn't enough.

I want to write fantasy, but have recently been delving into crime and I have an urban fiction story in the works. I also plan to write my family history this summer - I suppose realistically I could do all of these. I just wish instead of spreading myself out, I could concentrate on one genre and really work on that. But I've never been good at sticking to one thing. I quit karate after seven years, the recorder after three, and ballet after one class. Heck, I could probably write a book on all the things I've quit (haha, oh the humour...)!

Needless to say, I lack persistence.

Don't say it

"Oh, you want to be a writer? That's so cool!" I'm okay with this.

"Oh, you listen to indie music? I never would have guessed from looking at you." Why, because I'm black?

I dislike being stereotyped. A LOT. It makes people think they know everything about you. I'm aware that society will never get rid of stereotypes. Some of them can be useful, especially in stories. But in my eighteen years of living, I've grown sick of people expecting me to behave in a certain way because they perceive me to be a certain kind of person.

Just because I'm black, no-one should expect me to listen to a certain kind of music. I actually like a range of genres, but indie is the main one. Similarly, just because I'm Caribbean, no-one should expect me to dance "with rhythm". That logic doesn't even make sense to me! (I'm looking at you, Mum.)

I can only hope people stop judging me from my ethnicity and start judging me as an individual. I like to write, I'm trying to build up my biceps, I watch cartoons, sometimes I don't care about my appearance (and sometimes I change my clothes nine times before deciding what to wear), I have a strong conscience - none of these things have anything to do with being a girl, or being black, or being a Londoner.

They have everything to do with me being me.

Writing on the train 2

Call it a social experiment, if you will. I've started to write the most twisted story I've ever attempted. More twisted than angels getting their limbs ripped off. More twisted than a ghost possessing a married woman in order to have sexy time with the neighbour's barely legal son. More twisted than...

It's safe to say I've written some pretty twisted things in my time (keep in mind I'm still young - there's obviously plenty more to come in the future!). It's great though, when I'm writing this on the train. The looks of horror I do not get are absolutely hilarious.

What, you're surprised no-one is horrified? No-one is doing double takes at my writing? No-one is going pale and shuffling away from me while nervously clearing their throat and wishing they'd gotten on a different carriage? They probably want to exhibit some kind of reaction but are too afraid of me to visibly show it. After all, they shouldn't really be reading over my shoulder, should they? If they reacted it would be too much like admitting they made a mistake; that they were wrong.

It may sound a bit sinister, but it's true: writing something dark and gruesome on the train will get people to stop reading over your shoulder. Or at the very least, scar some innocent child for life.

The moral? Stop reading things you shouldn't. Especially if you're sitting next to me on the London Underground.