Something like a panic attack

If there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I have a tendency to get pretty hysterical over minor things. I'll freak out and worry obsessively about trivial things like what if I'm not ten minutes early to meet my friend? but big things I tend to breeze through without a care because, as per my motto, "it's only life."

With this in mind, I had a complete breakdown of trust in my self earlier this week where I panicked about the standard of my WIP. I began to worry that at just over 24k words, it wouldn't be long enough to be a novel in four chapters when it ended and I'd be left in the gutter of life, bemoaning my pitiful planning abilities. Really, why did I ever think thirteen chapters would be long enough for a novel??

One of my main points of concern (okay, one of the reasons I started mentally shooting myself in the head) was that I don't actually have a proper ending to my story yet. I kept meaning to figure one out but I couldn't think of a definitive scene and decided that it would be fine when I got there, because I would understand the story more and know where it should conclude. Yeah, so not the case. My head was a MESS trying to work out how I hadn't thought up a wicked cool ending yet.

After about seventeen minutes of pure, blind panic and unending self doubt where I considered packing it all up and becoming an elephant breeder instead, I turned to the internet. I found that yes, the way I was heading was a little short off the mark but that was okay. Ladies and gentlemen, I was reminded that what I'm writing is not a novel - it's just a first draft. And it only took ten tabs to reassure myself things would be okay for me.

Once my breathing had stopped being defined as 'hyperventilation', I was able to think clearly and realise that when I was finished with my first draft (ending and all), it was expected by me that I would go back over my work and see what needed fixing. It was the deal I had made with myself way back when I first thought of the title. And of course, after I've checked over it a couple of times I'll be forcing it on asking for the input of my writing friends and family members who've expressed an interest in looking at my work. The more eyes, the better if you ask me. If my story is anything like my head is then it is going to be a tangle of emotions. Probably not in a good way.

This is the part where I wish them all good luck in shifting through the complicated train wreck that is the inner workings of my brain. Good luck (you'll all need it)!