HELL yeah, I did it!

I finally did it. I went up on stage and read my poetry. Out loud. In front of people - strangers. It was, in a word, exhilarating.

Since 2014 kicked off, I'd been looking for open mic poetry nights in order to fulfil my resolution to get my foot in the door. I thought I found one at the Poetry Café in Covent Garden and was all set to have my 'debut' performance there. I even invited my friend along... Only to discover a couple of days before that it wasn't open mic, but a selection of published poets spurting their stuff. Boooor-ing! Okay, not really but it wasn't what I was looking for. I kept searching and eventually came across Rich Mix's open mic session, Jawdance.

It was perfect: free, chilled, and in my favourite place in London. It was made for me to appear at. I invited my bestie and practised my reading in a Sainsbury's in front of a mate. I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Then, the night before, I found out the bestie couldn't make it. She had a meeting at her college that was pretty serious and wouldn't be able to travel to the venue in time. I understood and didn't want her to feel bad, so I immediately invited my Sensei in writing whom I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about by now. She was up for it before I even asked - actually, I didn't even get to ask, she sort of just invited herself along. I knew it was a good move inviting her because she's so fabulously insane.

On the day of the performance, I had hours to kill. I finished classes at 1pm and had lunch with some friends, sitting in a vegetarian cafe with them until 3.15pm. Sign up for Jawdance was at 6.15pm so I went to the library and managed to read the last quarter of Mansfield Park. Intense. Eventually I made my way over to Shoreditch.

After the initial uncertainties of am I walking the right way to the venue and now I'm here, where do I go to sign up and oh my lard there's so many people signing up too! I settled down and waited for it to start. Or for Sharena to arrive, whichever happened first.

As it happened, the event started first. Nine performers went up before me, all wonderfully talented and confident. One of them even confessed it was their first time and yet there was not a waver in their voice. Damn you. I seriously considered running out in shame by the time there were two people ahead of me. Sharena hadn't shown up yet and really, who would know that I had chickened out? The door wasn't far, just a leap away-

I would know if I chickened out. I'd been dreaming of doing this for over a year and now I was so close, did I really want to throw in the towel and crawl home with my tail between my legs? Well, partly yes but mostly no! I forced myself to get up on that stage when the host mispronounced my name. Amid the crowd's half-hearted applause, I ascended the short stairs and was hit by the spotlight and isolation of the stage.

Fuck, I thought to myself, I better say something.

"Um, hi." I muttered something about numbering my poems rather than naming them and distinctly heard an "aww" from the crowd. They thought I was cute. How awful. Anyway, spurred on by my success (I hadn't tripped on my way up, as I constantly feared when speaking in public), I got into the poem.

This is me, 'performing'.

When it was over (which was pretty soon, since I had chosen a short poem specifically for my first time), I didn't bother with stage presence or even manners. I finished my poem then got the hell off the stage without so much as a "...thank you." The audience applauded me just the same and the host said something like "sometimes it's nice to be reminded that poetry can be the thing that restores our soul".

Back in my seat, my head was spinning. I had done it. I had performed. I got a text from Sharena: 'Seat still saved?' I replied: 'Yep. But bad news, I just went up.' She was understandably distraught. I gave her a cookie and told her not to worry. I didn't particularly mind that no-one I knew had seen me perform. I had achieved my goal and that was what mattered most. I was buzzing.

I had broken the boundary of my first venture into public poetry and now it would be easier to do it. And boy, do I plan to do it more. I've already started writing the poem I want to perform next. The whole experience just injected me with a fizzle of self-confidence and what put the cherry on top was when Sharena had finally arrived and we were catching up during a short interval, a random guy approached me and said he liked my performance.

Whoever you are guy, THANK YOU. You probably have no idea how much your few words mean to me. I think I shed a secret tear of joy/gratitude (joy-itude?).

Everyone who performed that night was light years ahead of me, it goes without saying. But I'm not put-off! I just have to keep doing it in order to be as good as them. There were a few poets who really stood out to me in particular: Shaun Rivers, Jazzman John, Anna Khan (sadly, I couldn't find a link for her on the whole of the internet), Jack Pascoe and Charlie Dupré. Check them out, they're super cool.