Is the government monitoring me yet?

Thank you, Clip Art.

The things I've searched on the internet as research for my story, I'm surprised I haven't been hauled off by the authorities for questioning yet. The physical effects of being drunk/hungover, how long a person can go without food or water, what a thick rural accent would look like written down, how to escape a police chase on foot and the ins and outs of stealing a car.

It definitely sounds like I'm up to no good, judging by my search history. But of course, there's an explanation behind everything Officer, I assure you.

One of my main characters has their drink spiked and becomes incredibly drunk as a result. They are incredibly sick the following day. It is glorious. For some reason (probably because I'm secretly quite twisted) I enjoy writing about characters when they are ill or in pain. Their misery is my joy. I can't wait to rip one of the character's legs off. You can tell I'm working on a light-hearted comedy.

All of my main characters are on a journey across their region and they have to run out of provisions at some point. Throw in an episode where somebody steals their money and hey presto! Recipe for possible starvation. How long can they hold out before they absolute cannot go without nutrition? I had to know.

The thick accent on its own doesn't sound sinister but you could easily look at the other searches and jump to the conclusion that I was planning to skip town so as not to get caught for all my other 'crimes'. It's not like that at all! I just needed a reference for a minor character whose farm my MCs pass through on their journey. The contrast between the way they speak and the way Old Farmer Man speaks shows just how far from home my little wanderers are. Hopefully, anyway.

And of course, since they're on the run they might as well get seen by the police and be pursued, right? But at chapter eight it's far too soon for them to be caught, so they've got to escape and win this round. But how? How?? Well, that's where stealing a car comes in handy.

It's not really a car in my story. It's a hovercraft. What's that? I hear you ask, ordinary citizen. A hovercraft is a flying car, at least that's the definition I'm going with for this WIP. My helpless little group manage to steal it by 'helping' the driver out of the craft and making off with it, quickly losing the police officers in their hydrogen gas dust.

Can I have my publishing contract now?